A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
