Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
