I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize