Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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