dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
