3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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