First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
