I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
