He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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