playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
