Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
