I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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