Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize