do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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