Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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