dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drunk is not a location!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
