what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
