I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
