the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
