i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
