Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
