you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
