do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
