there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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