I hate all girls vehemently.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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