At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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