i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
