My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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