I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
