this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
smell my finger.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
