im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
