I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
