Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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