just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
