I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
