I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
