I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
