4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
