Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
