dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize