Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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