Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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