I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love you. Go after that dick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
