Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
