i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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