I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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