Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
