You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
