we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
