Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
