Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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