You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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