He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Someone shit on the floor
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
