Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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