I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
