he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
