If i come over, it means nothing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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