we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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