Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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